Reality Ravings

I found it surprising that after two days of auditions in Miami, Florida they only gave out 17 golden tickets. They gave out 19 in Omaha where the pickings were pretty slim.

Maybe the judges just felt more benevolent in the fresh country air.

At least in Miami Paula Abdul showed up on time, and appeared relatively sane. However was Simon Cowell going to be a liability today as at least he admitted he had a hangover.

The first person to audition for the day was Shannon McGough an 18 year old pretty girl who worked at her parents meat shop. Apart of singing her other claim to fame is belching loudly, which she proudly showed us.

When she entered Simon could not refrain from the obvious "handling meat" jokes. Shannon looked shocked after mangling a Janis Joplin number she was not going to be given a golden ticket to Hollywood.

"I have never had anyone tell me I was a bad singer" she simpered.

"That is why you have to come and see people like us" Simon responded.

Maybe it is time now for her to consider going to college if she wants to get out of the meat business.

Next was Robbie Carrico a 25 year old former boy bad member who was now a rocker(if having long hair and a beard classifies you as a rocker these days).

After singing more a boy band number then rock song he was given a golden ticket. He had a huge entourage who when he walked out of the room popped fire crackers, and sprayed fake snow on him.

However his biggest claim to fame was that he dated Brittany Spears when he was a band boy member Boyz-N-Girls united. Something he may want to keep hidden due to her current meltdown issues. If he makes it top 12 you could just imagine Brit turning up to a show with Starbucks frappuccino in hand.

Next up was Ghaleb Emacech a 27 year old immigrant. Was he presenting fake papers to the Idol producers as he looked a lot older then 27 or maybe he has just had a hard life.

I got excited for moment as I thought he was going to be the first person who would play his guitar at the auditions. But no it was left outside. He sang a Marc Antony song in a very heavy accent. Simon said he would like him if he was drunk clearly remembering the bad lounge music he had gotten pissed to the night before in the hotel bar.

However Randy and Paul gave him the nod and told him to work on his accent.

The highlight of the show was Corlesse and Brittany both 20 and best friends. They were big, black, buxom women, and really great fun. They win the award for "Idol contestants I would want to go out on the town with " After shoving their ginormous jugs in everyones face and Corlesse bemoaning her single status it was time for them to audition.

After declaring love for Randy, as Ryan Seacrest is too skinny, they sang surprisingly well, Corlesse a jazz number and Brittany a '60's doo wop song "My Guy". They both will be able to groove together in LA.

Susan Tune 21 was the heartstring story of the Miami auditions, a single mum at 18, partner did not stick around for long and she had not sung for three years. The surprise here was she could actually sing and looked great. All three judges looked very keen and interested. She is a definate one to watch.

Then a pint sized Ramiele 19 auditioned. She was a tiny Phillipine girl with a big voice. Not that Simon was impressed, but Randy was because she was so small. This of course meant there was a does size matter discussion which did not degenerate into smuttiness, and she was given a golden ticket.

Day 2 started off well.

Syesha Mercardo a gorgeous girl with a sad story of her dad struggling with drugs and alcohol, he has just graduated from rehab. I was amazed at her empathy for him considering he probably has not been the most supportive father. However now it has been revealed she is a reality tv professional been on The One a cross between BB and Idol, she may be using her dad to garner sympathy from the audience.

However she had a big voice which she showed singing the classic Aretha number "Think Freedom" but there was a fair bit of caterwauling. However they liked her enough for her to go through to the next round.

The difference between Australian and American Idol auditions, is that in America the girls come in and think you really have to belt it out, and sometimes it sounds horrendous.

The highlight of the day 2 was an obnoxious Julie Dubela, a 16 year old Jamie Lee Spears look like without the pregnant stomach. She was on America Juniors(some sort of Idol for kids contest) when she was 12 and made the top 20.

She was not the brightest spark in the tool shed when:
a) She had to ask what precocious meant; and
b) Did not realise Simon was being factitious when he said he watched American Juniors all the time.

Needless to say Simon and Randy put her firmly back in her box and did not give her a ticket to Hollywood. The look on her and her family's face was classic as she bemoaned "but I gave up a singing a Red Sox game for this."

Last was wacky and untalented Brandon Black wearing a white tuxedo and started off his audition with a lame stand up comedy routine. It got worse with his first song directed at Paula "I'll make love to you".

As Simon said just before he and Randy walked out " it was an audition verging on desperation"