Reality Ravings

What is the point of big band night on Australian Idol? Is it to show singers versatility? Or to try and attract an older viewing demographic, or give some out of work horn players some employment?

No Idol has ever released a big band single.

I think I would prefer country and western night, or a song from a musical if no Andrew Lloyd Webber numbers were allowed.

Though if Natalie Gauci sang Cabaret, I don't think it would be a great look for her to do the Liza Minnelli suspender outfit.

It was a night where Dicko appeared in a really great cowboy shirt. In LA has he been shopping on 'Rodeo' Drive, all puns intended. Marcia showed the '80's fashion was well and truly back by showing her bra under her dress. Not a good look for anyone over 30.

Also now that Ben has gone from the show, John "Kermie" Foreman was now the butt of the gay jokes, with a "John loves a big horn section" comment from Andrew G.

Each Idol had to sing two songs tonight.

Carl Risley opened the show. He predictably picked a Michael Buble` and Harry Connick Jr numbers.

The Michael Buble` number was Me and Mrs Jones. He had the heartthrob thing going with the tie undone and the eyes staring down the camera, looking good. Then he started to sing. It was boring.

As Mark Holden said ok was not going to be good enough for Carl tonight this was his night it need to blow. It did not.

As one the papers outlined last week he is the only one in the final four who does not have a record company interested in him, and tonight would not have helped.

His Harry Connick Jr number " Just Kiss Me" was to staged, his interaction with the band was to forced. His voice is weak, and it all seemed to be a bit fast for him.

Marty Simpson was next and he really showed his lack of versatility and lack of IQ by picking two songs where the verse and the chorus was the same.

Erina in the pre song vignettes looked scathingly at him with his lack of knowledge and poor attitude towards the genre.

He did the usual well you know it was big band night, not my thing shrug the shoulders, cue goofy grin.

His first song was American baby - I wonder if he was singing it to his new 17 year old squeeze. Clearly he has moved on from little Lana. He does seem to like them young, they must be more on his wave length.

Mark Holden was spot on when he said " Just because you put horns on a song does not make it big band".

His last song was the Doors number "Light My Fire" I have heard better renditions in dodgy karaoke dens in Chinatown.

Next was the teeny bopper favourite Matt Corby who you could barely hear over the screams of the audience.

Mark was spot on again when he said his hair looked like an "Elvis hasidic jew".

Mark was on fire tonight. I also thought Matt looked a bit like Dean Geyer tonight. I almost wish he could have done a Geyer like back flip to liven the show up a bit.

He sang " How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You"

Now I thought this was a happy uplifting song, but he looked miserable throughout, like he did not want to be there. Also he had that weird hand action going on. Marty is about the only boy on Idol who does not that motion this season. Is it because he is the only one that might be getting laid?

His second song was a Bobby Darrin number "Beyond The Sea". Again this did not entertain me or my partner, as we started talking in the middle of it.

Conversation went something like this:
Partner (Male) : He does not appear to have much in his pants.
Me (Female): Black is slimming you know.
Partner: You reckon, sure it's not a camel toe?
Me: Are you saying he is more Quah (Family first todger flasher) then the winger from Manly on the Fox Sport News fuck up? (he was a Ohmigod that thing cannot be real, he should audition for Puppetry of the Penis).

Cue end of song wait for judges comments. To think I have the gall to call people banal!

The final singer for the night was Natalie Gauci, who apparently has been singing jazz since a young age and it showed. She was the standout for the night.

Tonight her father was in the audience cheering her along, he looks very young.
Has anyone found out if he is gay?

Her first song was Orange Coloured Sky, which was great, however Kyle was right she must suffer from "clothesorexia" where she looks in the mirror thinks she looks great but really it does not suit her. I thought she looked ok from the chest up.

She needs to stay out of the '80 fashions, it barely suits anyone, and definitely not her. The dress at the front was far to short you could see her mid thigh, and her legs are not her best asset.

Run from Sheridan Tyler Natalie, run. While Kyle is handing out fashion advice he should have a word to Marcia who must also have been styled by Sheridan tonight.

The sleeveless dress, with the black bra showing made her look bigger then a Williams sister, and that is hard.

Natalie's second song was an Ella Fitzgerald number "How High Is the Moon". It was sensational, and the best skatting seen on Aust Idol in five seasons.

Even her dress was ok, especially from the waist up. I am still undecided about the rest of it.

Mark Holden gave her a deserved touchdown. Kyle made the perceptive comment of how touchdowns were now turning into feelups. This year he does tend to run over to the Idols once he has given one, like he is Jesus anointing a disciple.

I don't think Marty or Carl would have drawn any new fans tonight, so they will be fighting to stay in. I think Marty to go but I say that every week.